The first few months (part 2 of many)
The honeymoon is where it all started to go downhill, if what had transpired before was considered the good times. But we got married, we had a fresh new start. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, the wedding is over and reality sets in.
We flew to Florida the next day and jumped on a Carnival cruise ship. And we drank and drank and drank some more. I don't even know if we had sex on our honeymoon. I'm pretty sure one night i lost him and he was out on the dance floor with some lady. That might have been the other cruise we went on in February, but i'm pretty sure it's not. I remember meeting a brother and sister and talking to them about swapping. I didn't even want him on our honeymoon. It was sad. I think we spent something around $1500 in alcohol on the cruise. Can you imagine how much we must have drank?
Then we came home. Lived a few weeks and then went to Disney World in July with his family. We drank our way around Epcot and got into a fight because he wasn't paying enough attention to me. He told me he wanted a divorce and his father sort of counselled us through it, but the seed was sewn.
Soon, bad things started happening. We fought. Mostly about money and his habits. He wasn't making a lot of money and didn't have much of a life plan in place. He told me I could quit school and get a second job, but I already had a great paying job and a full time school load. I didn't have time for that, but it was clear he wasn't going to shift gears. One day in October, he came home really late, i'm not sure where he had been, but he was drunk. Real Drunk. He was also in a foul mood. I am not sure what transpired to lead to this, but he took out a colander and proceeded to pee in it, leaking all over the kitchen floor. Because colanders have holes in them, ya know?
This made me mad so i started to yell at him, and then he grabbed me. Slammed me into the kitchen cabinets, and repeatedly banged my head against the wood. I can close my eyes and still remember the moment. Almost too vividly. I think 10 times he did this, all the while, i prayed, BEGGED, God to protect my brain. I finally got loose and i RAN. Ran to the neighbors and sought protection.
They gave me two choices, call his parents or call the police. I opted for his parents, but not a moment goes by that i don't regret this decision. I should have called the cops. Put a mark on his record. WARNED his future wives of what he is capable of. But i didn't. I called his dad, who was unable to reason with him, so they told me I had to come with them, for my safety. I didn't want to go, but what choice did I have. Still, i should have involved the cops. The next morning his mother told me - DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT, no matter what, don't mention a word. What the FUCK?
So i went home, and i crawled in bed with him. and pretended for a little longer.
Halloween came and went. I remember we spent the party agreeing not to get drunk. He hit on some other lady the entire time we were there, right in front of me. I even have a picture of him with his arm around her. Why was i putting up with this ?
We go to my sister's wedding in Florida, and we just keep pretending. A few weeks later he went to a party by the neighbors, but I was tired and went to bed. I had a soccer tournament in the morning and had to drive out of town. I woke up to a noise in the family room. I went in and Adam had his pants around his ankles and was sitting on the couch. I tried to get him to walk to bed, afraid he was going to piss all over the floor again, I stood him up and he tried to fight me, so i let him go. His pants around his ankles caused him to lose his balance, and he fell face first into the TV stand. Blood was EVERYWHERE and a one inch gash just an inch shy of his left eye. I was FURIOUS.
Not only did i have to clean up the blood, I had to make sure I got the bleeding to stop. So much for being well rested. Every hour i woke up and changed the bandage on his face. He didn't remember a thing the next day, and i took off. Happy to leave the house and play soccer for the day.
And we just kept on pretending. Having only been married less than 6 months, nothing was going right. I think in January we started trying to get pregnant. My sister was pregnant and his sister in law was, so why not us too? That would fix everything. What idiots we were.
The good news is that we did NOT get pregnant. Life kept on. I was working and playing sports. He was busy getting jealous about any second I did not spend with him. I wasn't even allowed to talk to my mother, whom i called every day on the way home from work. As soon as I stepped through the door i had to be off the phone. And so i was.
In May he broke his ankle playing soccer and immediately had surgery. We went to the beach for our honeymoon with his cousin and his wife. I found the disposable camera we bought for that trip, printed them off 10 years later, and refused to buy a single image. It was all crap.
In late july, I was sent to Salt Lake City Utah for a conference for work. The last night in town, i met a man who was also from Raleigh, and let him come back to my hotel room. I told him i had no plan of cheating on my souse, but what do you know? I did it anyways. The first thought that popped into my mind when this happened was "Now we are even"... I passed out and later woke up alone. Disgusted with myself i threw up.
I flew home and tried to hide my guilt, but it was all over my face. I didn't reveal this to Adam until a few months later. Probably October. That seems to be when all the horrible events took place. I told his father first because I was afraid he was going to beat me within an inch of my life. He had no idea why I would even think that. Talk about denial. But he didnt'. Instead he threw every single patio chair into the yard and left. I think he went to his parents for a while.
I left for a week so he could have time to sort his stuff, and by Thanskgiving he moved out.
I met with an attorney and had the separation papers drawn. I tried to work things out, but he was too hurt, and we were too broken. I think part of me wanted to fix things, unable to accept failure, but the larger broken part of me did not. I wanted to get help, stop the drunkenness, and move forward. I wanted to feel safe again. with him, I would never again feel safe.
We flew to Florida the next day and jumped on a Carnival cruise ship. And we drank and drank and drank some more. I don't even know if we had sex on our honeymoon. I'm pretty sure one night i lost him and he was out on the dance floor with some lady. That might have been the other cruise we went on in February, but i'm pretty sure it's not. I remember meeting a brother and sister and talking to them about swapping. I didn't even want him on our honeymoon. It was sad. I think we spent something around $1500 in alcohol on the cruise. Can you imagine how much we must have drank?
Then we came home. Lived a few weeks and then went to Disney World in July with his family. We drank our way around Epcot and got into a fight because he wasn't paying enough attention to me. He told me he wanted a divorce and his father sort of counselled us through it, but the seed was sewn.
Soon, bad things started happening. We fought. Mostly about money and his habits. He wasn't making a lot of money and didn't have much of a life plan in place. He told me I could quit school and get a second job, but I already had a great paying job and a full time school load. I didn't have time for that, but it was clear he wasn't going to shift gears. One day in October, he came home really late, i'm not sure where he had been, but he was drunk. Real Drunk. He was also in a foul mood. I am not sure what transpired to lead to this, but he took out a colander and proceeded to pee in it, leaking all over the kitchen floor. Because colanders have holes in them, ya know?
This made me mad so i started to yell at him, and then he grabbed me. Slammed me into the kitchen cabinets, and repeatedly banged my head against the wood. I can close my eyes and still remember the moment. Almost too vividly. I think 10 times he did this, all the while, i prayed, BEGGED, God to protect my brain. I finally got loose and i RAN. Ran to the neighbors and sought protection.
They gave me two choices, call his parents or call the police. I opted for his parents, but not a moment goes by that i don't regret this decision. I should have called the cops. Put a mark on his record. WARNED his future wives of what he is capable of. But i didn't. I called his dad, who was unable to reason with him, so they told me I had to come with them, for my safety. I didn't want to go, but what choice did I have. Still, i should have involved the cops. The next morning his mother told me - DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT, no matter what, don't mention a word. What the FUCK?
So i went home, and i crawled in bed with him. and pretended for a little longer.
Halloween came and went. I remember we spent the party agreeing not to get drunk. He hit on some other lady the entire time we were there, right in front of me. I even have a picture of him with his arm around her. Why was i putting up with this ?
We go to my sister's wedding in Florida, and we just keep pretending. A few weeks later he went to a party by the neighbors, but I was tired and went to bed. I had a soccer tournament in the morning and had to drive out of town. I woke up to a noise in the family room. I went in and Adam had his pants around his ankles and was sitting on the couch. I tried to get him to walk to bed, afraid he was going to piss all over the floor again, I stood him up and he tried to fight me, so i let him go. His pants around his ankles caused him to lose his balance, and he fell face first into the TV stand. Blood was EVERYWHERE and a one inch gash just an inch shy of his left eye. I was FURIOUS.
Not only did i have to clean up the blood, I had to make sure I got the bleeding to stop. So much for being well rested. Every hour i woke up and changed the bandage on his face. He didn't remember a thing the next day, and i took off. Happy to leave the house and play soccer for the day.
And we just kept on pretending. Having only been married less than 6 months, nothing was going right. I think in January we started trying to get pregnant. My sister was pregnant and his sister in law was, so why not us too? That would fix everything. What idiots we were.
The good news is that we did NOT get pregnant. Life kept on. I was working and playing sports. He was busy getting jealous about any second I did not spend with him. I wasn't even allowed to talk to my mother, whom i called every day on the way home from work. As soon as I stepped through the door i had to be off the phone. And so i was.
In May he broke his ankle playing soccer and immediately had surgery. We went to the beach for our honeymoon with his cousin and his wife. I found the disposable camera we bought for that trip, printed them off 10 years later, and refused to buy a single image. It was all crap.
In late july, I was sent to Salt Lake City Utah for a conference for work. The last night in town, i met a man who was also from Raleigh, and let him come back to my hotel room. I told him i had no plan of cheating on my souse, but what do you know? I did it anyways. The first thought that popped into my mind when this happened was "Now we are even"... I passed out and later woke up alone. Disgusted with myself i threw up.
I flew home and tried to hide my guilt, but it was all over my face. I didn't reveal this to Adam until a few months later. Probably October. That seems to be when all the horrible events took place. I told his father first because I was afraid he was going to beat me within an inch of my life. He had no idea why I would even think that. Talk about denial. But he didnt'. Instead he threw every single patio chair into the yard and left. I think he went to his parents for a while.
I left for a week so he could have time to sort his stuff, and by Thanskgiving he moved out.
I met with an attorney and had the separation papers drawn. I tried to work things out, but he was too hurt, and we were too broken. I think part of me wanted to fix things, unable to accept failure, but the larger broken part of me did not. I wanted to get help, stop the drunkenness, and move forward. I wanted to feel safe again. with him, I would never again feel safe.
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